(no subject)

I knew today was not going to be a good day when I ran out of gas on the way to work. Thankfully, I coasted to within 100 feet of a gas station. So here I am, pushing my car to the gas station, and about three or four Discourteous Richards decide that I need to see the state bird of New Jersey because the only way I can push the car and steer is to be pushing from my front window.

I get to the gas station, and I push the car to a pump. Attendant asks me, "Did you run out of gas?" I said, "Nope - I push the car to the gas station and back every day! It's awesome exercise, you know." And my thoughts... "Here's your sign."

That having been said, it continued into work. I had someone decide that because we wouldn't accept a competitor's coupon (which was against store policy), that she didn't want ANY of her groceries. $40 of groceries had to be returned. I feel sorry for the CSA who had to do that.

Another customer gave me the following exchange.

Me: *scan scan*
Her: Wait! That cabbage rang for too low!
Me: Huh?
Her: The sign at the front of the store says cabbage is 70 cents a pound - it rang up for 7 cents a pound!
Me: Oh, so that means that you'll get it for 7 cents a pound.
Her: No, I want it for free! The computer's price doesn't match the sign, so I get it for free.
Me: Ma'am, a ScanRite only applies if the product scans higher than it's marked. Besides, 7 cents a pound is very cheap for cabbage.
Her: I want a manager!
Me: *calls manager*
Manager: *says exact same thing*
Her: Oh, OK. You need to talk to your employee, he tried to charge me 70 cents a pound.
Me: *jawdrop*

For the record, YES, we're selling cabbage for 7 cents a pound. See?



What happened, was when they sent us the sign for our front window, they left out the 0, so it read ".7 /lb". She tried to take advantage of a typo to get a thing free just because it was wrong. As I noted, that only works when it's higher than the marked price.

What did I do, Lord, to deserve this? Send me your strength, so that I may smite the ignorant!

(no subject)

I knew today was not going to be a good day when I ran out of gas on the way to work. Thankfully, I coasted to within 100 feet of a gas station. So here I am, pushing my car to the gas station, and about three or four Discourteous Richards decide that I need to see the state bird of New Jersey because the only way I can push the car and steer is to be pushing from my front window.

I get to the gas station, and I push the car to a pump. Attendant asks me, "Did you run out of gas?" I said, "Nope - I push the car to the gas station and back every day! It's awesome exercise, you know." And my thoughts... "Here's your sign."

That having been said, it continued into work. I had someone decide that because we wouldn't accept a competitor's coupon (which was against store policy), that she didn't want ANY of her groceries. $40 of groceries had to be returned. I feel sorry for the CSA who had to do that.

Another customer gave me the following exchange.

Me: *scan scan*
Her: Wait! That cabbage rang for too low!
Me: Huh?
Her: The sign at the front of the store says cabbage is 70 cents a pound - it rang up for 7 cents a pound!
Me: Oh, so that means that you'll get it for 7 cents a pound.
Her: No, I want it for free! The computer's price doesn't match the sign, so I get it for free.
Me: Ma'am, a ScanRite only applies if the product scans higher than it's marked. Besides, 7 cents a pound is very cheap for cabbage.
Her: I want a manager!
Me: *calls manager*
Manager: *says exact same thing*
Her: Oh, OK. You need to talk to your employee, he tried to charge me 70 cents a pound.
Me: *jawdrop*

For the record, YES, we're selling cabbage for 7 cents a pound. See?



What happened, was when they sent us the sign for our front window, they left out the 0, so it read ".7 /lb". She tried to take advantage of a typo to get a thing free just because it was wrong. As I noted, that only works when it's higher than the marked price.

What did I do, Lord, to deserve this? Send me your strength, so that I may smite the ignorant!

Basketball Ides of March

In just six days, the pairings will be announced for the 2005 NCAA Men's and Women's Basketball Tournaments. In honor of this event, I present Henry V. Porter's "Basketball Ides of March", written about the Illinois state basketball tournament in 1942.

Basketball Ides of March

The gym lights gleam like a beacon beam
And a million motors hum
In a good will flight on a Friday night;
For basketball beckons, "Come!"
A sharp-shooting mite is king tonight.
The Madness of March is running.
The winged feet fly, the ball sails high
And field goal hunters are gunning.

The colors clash as silk suits flash
And race on a shimmering floor.
Repressions die, and partisans vie
In a goal acclaiming roar.
On a Championship Trail toward a holy grail,
All fans are birds of a feather.
It's fiesta night and cares lie light
When the air is full of leather.

Since time began, the instincts of man
Prove cave and current men kin.
On tournament night the sage and the wight
Are relatives under the skin.
It's festival time, sans reason or rhyme
But with nation-wide appeal.
In a cyclone of hate, our ship of state
Rides high on an even keel.

With war nerves tense, the final defense
Is the courage, strength and will
In a million lives where freedom thrives
And liberty lingers still.
Now eagles fly and heroes die
Beneath some foreign arch
Let their sons tread where hate is dead
In a happy Madness of March.

Basketball Ides of March

In just six days, the pairings will be announced for the 2005 NCAA Men's and Women's Basketball Tournaments. In honor of this event, I present Henry V. Porter's "Basketball Ides of March", written about the Illinois state basketball tournament in 1942.

Basketball Ides of March

The gym lights gleam like a beacon beam
And a million motors hum
In a good will flight on a Friday night;
For basketball beckons, "Come!"
A sharp-shooting mite is king tonight.
The Madness of March is running.
The winged feet fly, the ball sails high
And field goal hunters are gunning.

The colors clash as silk suits flash
And race on a shimmering floor.
Repressions die, and partisans vie
In a goal acclaiming roar.
On a Championship Trail toward a holy grail,
All fans are birds of a feather.
It's fiesta night and cares lie light
When the air is full of leather.

Since time began, the instincts of man
Prove cave and current men kin.
On tournament night the sage and the wight
Are relatives under the skin.
It's festival time, sans reason or rhyme
But with nation-wide appeal.
In a cyclone of hate, our ship of state
Rides high on an even keel.

With war nerves tense, the final defense
Is the courage, strength and will
In a million lives where freedom thrives
And liberty lingers still.
Now eagles fly and heroes die
Beneath some foreign arch
Let their sons tread where hate is dead
In a happy Madness of March.

Poker Joke - enjoy, hmtriplecrown!

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.

The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

Poker Joke - enjoy, hmtriplecrown!

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.

The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."